Ugly Snow

The snow came last night. It wasn't a pretty snow, just an ugly, wet, almost rain type snow. The sky went from grey, to dark grey, to black. No pretty sunset. No beautiful clouds. Just darkness falling.

I'm glad it's ugly outside. They say misery likes company, and so I like the company of the miserable weather. It makes me feel like I'm not the only one feeling empty and lonely. The whole world seems to feel blah right now-finally.

The days following Charlotte's birth and death were unbelievably beautiful. Our whole yard was full of vibrant yellows, oranges, and reds on every tree. It was usually about 70 degrees with bright blue skies and soft breezes. If my life hadn't just come to a sudden screeching hault, I would have been on cloud nine-either walking around in my cute fall maternity wear, or blissfully cuddling my new baby girl as I watched the leaves fall outside the window. Instead, I was feeling empty, lonely, and depressed. I was missing my daughter more than life itself and wishing it would rain.

So, I welcome the crappy weather. I like that it's grey all the time. I like that the cold stings my face. I like that finally the world outside is matching my world on the inside. I like the ugly snow.