I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions, but for 2015 I have resolved to do one thing: distract myself. I'm still riding the intense waves of grief and missing my daughter more than I ever imagined was possible, but I am also trying really hard to move forward and keep living. And the biggest part of keeping living is staying busy and distracted. If I let myself, I would be drowning in tears one minute, obsessing over my possible ovulation symptoms the next, replaying the traumatic events of October 5th (the day before Charlotte was born--the day we learned she died) the next, frantically reading about success rates of Clomid after that, and then sobbing once more. However, I can't live my life like that, so I have resolved to distract myself.
The first thing on the Grand Distraction List of 2015: card making! I have always loved to do crafty things and have dabbled in a few different crafty hobbies, but card making is one that I am super excited about. I spent way too much getting started, but hey, what else does a grieving mother have to do if not to spend lots of money? I bought different patterned papers, some paper punches, stamps, washi tape, buttons, and a lot of other embellishments. I've made a few thank you cards, some encouragement cards, and 5 Valentine's cards so far. I've got my dad's birthday, my goddaughter's 1st birthday (which we happen to share), and my mom's birthday coming up, so I will be busy busy in the crafting department. I even went and ordered a personalized Erin Condren address book. ...God I love spending money... So, instead of wallowing in my grief and obsessing over ovulation, I will be making homemade cards.
Next on the list: finishing the house decor. We own a beautiful farmhouse that was built by my husband's great-grandfather. It has been in the Larson family since 1922 (minus the 7 years before we bought it). It's in great condition, but we have had to work on each room one by one--painting, buying furniture, and decorating. Our downstairs rooms are all done and everything is cozy and country-chic just the way I like it. (Yes, I know I sound like a douche-bag when I say country-chic, but that's the best way to describe our house.) Now it's time to leave the poor college kid vibe that we have going on upstairs. Well, most of the upstairs. The nursery is quite beautiful and peaceful....and empty. Anyways, we are going to finish our bedroom first. It has a god-awful "always kiss me goodnight" painted above one of the windows...in red paint....wrapped in green vines. It kind of looks the the previous owner painted it in blood...creepy! When we moved in I said that had to go PRONTO, but here we are almost 3 years later and it's still there. In the year of distraction, it is finally going to go. We're going to paint, finally hang up the headboard for the bed, buy new window treatments, and find a cute vanity and chair. We'll also repaint and decorate the bathroom and upstairs landing. YAY for not being embarrassed by our upstairs anymore!
Third on the list: be an awesome teacher. I really enjoy teaching and I spend a lot of time outside of school working on things and surfing Pinterest, but for distraction's sake, I will be doing even more school work. This year's kids are pretty lucky! ;)
Fourth, I am going to dabble in a little violin playing. My mom is really into music. She sings in a choir, plays guitar and piano, and is taking cello lessons, so she is very excited about this distraction. In college, I took about 2 months of violin lessons because I thought it would be a fun hobby, but I was so busy then that I didn't keep it up. Well, now that my number one goal of 2015 is distraction, I will be trying the violin again. I just feel bad for my husband and dog who have to suffer through the practicing....
It's going to be a long, hard year, but hopefully with a little bit of distraction, I will make it through. I will still be pretty preoccupied with trying to bring our second child into the world, breathing, but I am going to need to keep busy with other things, too, so that I don't drive myself over the edge. So, I'll work on my Grand Distraction List of 2015 by taking a deep breath, making some cards, spending some money at Home Goods, surfing Teachers Pay Teachers, and squawking along on my violin. This will be an okay year.