2014 was the year of Charlotte. For most of 2014, my every waking moment was consumed with blissful fantasies of raising my baby girl. All I thought about, talked about, dreamt about, was her. I was happier than I had ever been. Each day brought new joys and excitements and bigger plans for our future together. In October, her year changed. I was no longer consumed with glee and anticipation, but drowning in grief and loss. I spent the last months of 2014 in survival mode. Struggling my way through each day, grateful for the arrival of sleep and a short respite from my grief. But whether I was feeling immeasurable bliss from hearing the thump of her heartbeat or the aching arms of a grieving mother longing her child, 2014 was her year--the year of Charlotte.
Now I have to say goodbye to her year and hello to the next. This first day of 2015 has been bittersweet. I feel deep sorrow for leaving Charlotte's year behind, but also great anticipation that this will be our year of hope and healing. I pray this is the year that welcomes happiness back to my life. I hope that this year brings us comfort, peace, acceptance, and love of our life as it is.
Charlotte was my 2014, and I can only pray that Charlotte and her sibling will be our 2015.